The shocking secret for fluent English flashed

You don’t need to master the rules of grammar to speak correct English in the same way as you haven’t mastered the rules of grammar of your mother tongue.

I’ve seen a host of folks perfect in grammar but poor in speaking and a host of folks bad in grammar but excellent in speaking. Ask complex grammar questions from native Brits or Americans and you’ll find the majority fumbling.

Take your example: do you know all the grammar rules of your native language?

Even if you know, you would have never cared about them while communicating because you got a huge exposure to your native language. This would have adequately proved to you that to learn any language correctly, exposure is extremely crucial – while grammar is secondary.

Right?

So tip number one:

Expose yourself to correct, fluent English communicators as much as you can.

Where will you find excellent communicators?

• Discovery Channel (English version)
• National Geographic (English version)
• Animal Planet (English version)
• CNN-IBN
• NDTV24X7

If you minutely watch these channels (particularly first 3 in the list) you’ll unconsciously soak up some precious elements of originality from them.

And what’ll tell you what originality is?

If you acquire originality, you’ll communicate as if English is your native language, your mother tongue. The more originality you’ll soak up, the stronger grip you’ll get on English language. Take this originality statement lightly and you’ll miss the most charming feature of English language even if tomorrow you learn to be perfect in grammar and build up a huge vocabulary.

Unfortunately, this is the point most English speaking trainers are clueless about. They blindly follow the same wrong method and teach the students likewise. What’s worse is that sometimes they even teach the students to imitate the style of native speakers.

The result?

A dirty flood of fashionable English speakers.

Truth be told: rare are people who speak English so purely as if it’s their mother tongue. It’s easy for you to be of them by avoiding the crooked path and learning English straight from its fountainhead like native speakers.

Observantly watching TV channels, however, is only one small piece of the puzzle. You’ve to routinely jot down some attractive words, look them up in the dictionaries and bring them in use. Learn the accurate usage of only a few hundred words (around 300) and you’ll move damn smartly over the most rugged of paths.

Do you know one of the biggest blocks in fluency is having a poor word bank? Yes, you may not use every word from your stock – but their presence will accelerate your fluency.

So this brings us to the exercise section.

1. Regularly watch any of the aforementioned channels or any other English channels
2. Regularly note down new words and speak them out in any recording device
3. Speak on different topics, keep recording them and give your best

A common reading mistake that causes failure (are you safe?)

Ever questioned what’s relevant for you on the information-overloaded web and how to get the most of reading? Ever felt that despite surfing for several hours you couldn’t gain anything significant?

I’m asking this because it’s possible that inaccurate or aimless reading could be burning your limited time derailing you from your real goal. "Multifarious reading," said Robertson of Brighton, "weakens the mind like smoking, and is an excuse for its lying dormant. It is the idlest of all idlenesses, and leaves more of impotency than any other."

Snatching information fragments from numerous sources might hone your keenness and quench your curiosity but the question you must consequently ask yourself is what improvement the acquired knowledge is bringing in you?

The knowledge that can’t be put to practical use is akin to the wealth which can’t be spent in need. So, before deciding to read something, devote few moments to define your purpose: Why am I going to read this? What’s the specific information I’m looking for? What do I want to achieve by this reading?

“The most profitable study,” says Samuel Smiles, “is that which is conducted with a definite aim and object.” If you don’t define an aim or set a limit in the current era of information overload, you might always feel that there’s a lot more to read, which can even cause you anxiety.

But the secret of seeking knowledge doesn’t lie in lots of reading. It lies in object-specific reading, so deep and sufficient that you soak up the knowledge and implement it to get desired results.

The reading which is guided by purpose, let it be frugal, is the real reading – not the reading which is much but without purpose. “It is not then how much a man may know, that is of importance, but the end and purpose for which he knows it,” Smiles adds.

Additionally, in the current age of distractions, it’s extremely crucial that you keep reminding yourself about your purpose because social networking websites and alluring links have great potential to distract you.

One of the best techniques that could prevent you from falling in the distraction ditch is to write your aim before opening any book or website because on the slightest hint of getting distracted you can refer to your written note to come back on track. And, psychologists say that when we write something, our subconscious mind begins to take us seriously – strengthening our commitment towards our aim.

What’s the specific branch that needs your urgent attention?

Work on it with full force and weed out the dead-wood.

Two causes why you can't quit and form habits

A study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology suggests:

“Self-control requires a certain amount of glucose to operate unimpaired. A single act of self-control causes glucose to drop below optimal levels, thereby impairing subsequent attempts at self-control.”

Source

Several studies suggest that we have limited reserves of willpower, the fuel of our willpower is glucose, and this fuel depletes when we use our willpower to do or avoid actions.

“For instance,” Dr. Roy Baumeister, a researcher at Florida State University says, “In a study in my lab, we invited some students to eat fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies, and asked others to resist the cookies and munch on radishes instead. Then we gave them impossible geometry puzzles to solve. The students who ate the cookies worked on the puzzles for 20 minutes, on average. But the students who had resisted the tempting cookies gave up after an average of eight minutes.”

Source

Now can you guess what are those two mistakes that prevent people to form good habits and quit bad ones?

They’re here:

1. They depend only on their willpower
2. They decide to work on too many habits at the same time

But according to recent studies humans have limited reserves of willpower. So, if despite Herculean efforts you aren’t able to form many habits at the same time, it means that your willpower is getting depleted.

In this situation you end up hating yourself, feel guilty, and jump on the conclusion that there’s a defect in your character.

Bullshit.

The truth is that the defect isn’t in your character – it’s in your approach.

So what’s the correct approach?

Well, the correct approach is to use your willpower strategically.

Start small

Let me assume that you want to form the exercising habit. You begin by doing hard labour, and with a resolve that you'll never quit it. But after a few days your enthusiasm evaporates and you quit.

In this situation, don't exercise for long time. Instead, start by exercising for 10/20 minutes. It’s much easier and soon you’ll see that it has become automatic with you. Then you can gradually increase the time.

Concentrate your focus

Focus mainly on one habit till its purpose (exercising or waking up early) becomes easy for you. In this way your complete willpower will get centred to hit its target with full force. You can then choose to work on the next habit, and then on the next one, and so on. It’s only a matter of time that you’ll install a number of productive habits.

Additionally, in my previous post I told you how I quit my bad habits without much willpower. (Though it’s on quitting bad habits, the advice and examples present in it will work equally well on forming good habits too.) I started small, implemented some clever tactics and made some changes in my environment to get success – thus using my willpower frugally and relying less on its limited reserves.

For instance, to get rid of Facebook addiction, I started resisting the urge only for 5 minutes and applied the Pomodoro Technique. To know more how you can start small, use clever tactics and change the environment, read that post here.

"Sow a thought and you reap an act; sow an act and you reap a habit; sow a habit and you reap a character; sow a character and you reap a destiny.”

Samuel Smiles

How I quit these 4 sinful habits without much willpower

“If you don't want to slip, don't go where it's slippery.”

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS MAXIM

You get full of motivation to quit your bad habits and feel confident that you’re reach success – but after some time your towering motivation crumbles – compelling you to back off.

Your mistake?

You choose to rely only on your motivation and willpower.

The problem in this approach is that our motivation rises and falls. The moment we feel super-motivated, we’re able to go full-steam and do what we wish…but as that feeling drops we’re again back to that prison of bad habits.

The secret of quitting bad habits lies in clever techniques and bringing changes in the environment. See below how I got rid of my bad habits without much willpower but by changing the environment around and implement the advice on yourself.

1. The habit of waking up late

To change this habit, I bought a clock with the most hateful-sounding alarm. I used to place it far from me, at the height of 11/12 feet. When the alarm used to fill the morning silence with its nasty blare, I had to rush and climb up a chair to switch it off.

My mind used to rouse by the hateful alarm, getting out from the sweet sleeping mode. And when I had rushed and climbed up the chair to switch it off, I used to be active enough to snatch the fruitful morning moments to study and work. Now I’m habitual of waking early!

2. The habit of smoking

To quit smoking I started to buy one cigarette at a time instead of bringing the full packet of 10 or 20. Whenever I felt the urge to smoke, I had to get out of my room to walk to the shop to buy it. I started to delay smoking and sometimes didn’t even go to the shop because it was an effort for me.

Thus, several times I managed without smoking, and it made me realise that quitting smoking isn’t so difficult. Now without cigarettes I’m healthy and happy!

3. The habit of regularly checking Facebook

Amid deep work Facebook used to tempt me, killing my concentration. Resisting the evil urge luring me from a click away was too hard.

After failing to keep up the promise of checking Facebook once in a day, I started to take small steps. I started to resist the urge for 5 minutes. This small resistance rekindled the tiny embers of confidence, encouraging me to increase the resistance time.

I also used the Pomodoro Technique, which is setting aside small chunks of time for deep work and deciding to keep focusing on it until that time period is over. I started setting timer for 40 minutes, and decided that I’ll focus and give my complete concentration on my work during that time. If during those 40 minutes the urge of checking Facebook raised its head, I had to only tell it that the Pomodoro is on, and only a few minutes are left in it to get over. Now I don’t let Facebook interfere with my work!

4. The habit of regularly checking emails

Checking emails used to burn my time as fire burns wood. All my willpower had proved ineffective to quit this habit.

To tackle this, first I disabled the mail delivery from the mailing lists I was on, which cut the daily number of emails I received. I was thus prevented from getting into the enticing discussions and debates keep crackling there, which was a core cause for distraction.

Secondly, I used the Pomodoro Technique (which I also applied to get rid of Facebook addiction.) Now I’m not addicted to emails!

Back to you:

What’s the first bad habit you want to quit?

What tactics you’ll implement to quit it?

What fruitful changes quitting that bad habit will bring to your life?

How I stopped feeling weak and became strong

Image courtesy - Flickr

“Never compare your inside with someone else’s outside.”

Hugh MacLeod, author of Ignore Everybody

Hmm, let me guess…

You often compare your inward nature to the outward appearance of others without ever realising that it’s a blunder. As a result, you think that each human around you is superhuman – without weaknesses and insecurities.

But it isn’t so – people around you are just like you; they too have their share of weaknesses and insecurities. Let me tell an incident:

When I was new in the office, a group of strong men used to torture me for fun. I couldn’t do much to prevent them, because I felt that they’re emotionally tough, risk-welcoming fighters and have strong connections. I thought that giving them a fitting reply or complaining against them might add to my harassment or even cost my job.

Coincidentally, to do an assignment I was batched with the person who was the most creative in bullying me. The expected happened – he mocked at me, insulted me, and humiliated me.

But I felt it was too much. I stood against him; the frustration was piling up since a long time – and he was flabbergasted to see me so defiant. I threatened him not to repeat his foolishness and “Do whatever you wish and complain wherever; I don’t care.”

Will you believe what happened?

First he tried to dominate me, but seeing me giving him a damn challenge, that tough man, leader of all, started shivering and sat heavily in his chair, as if collapsing with nervousness. The people who surrounded him all turned to be hollow, cowards.

No connections, no threat-execution, nothing from him. He turned a perfect loser, and weaker than I could have ever expected. Since that event he hasn’t dared to cross his limit and gives me the respect I deserve.

I’ve experienced several similar incidents. Each incident has reinforced my belief that every human has weaknesses; there’re no super heroes around.

To stopped feeling weak and become strong you must accept the fact that every human has flaws like you. If in doubt, check the interviews of only a few celebrities, and you’ll understand.

“I was a coward. I used to be haunted by the fear of thieves, ghosts and serpents. I did not dare to stir out of doors at night. Darkness was a terror to me. It was almost impossible for me to sleep in the dark, as I would imagine ghosts coming from one direction, thieves from another and serpents from a third. I could not therefore bear to sleep without a light in the room. ”

Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections

Secret to overcoming needless regret and solidifying confidence

Image courtesy - Flickr

To understand the secret, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’ve to buy a smartphone from the abundant options the market is overflowing with. Before making the purchase, you:

• Get clear about the features/tasks you want the phone for
• Compare phones offering those features and shortlist one or two of them
• Look for users’ honest experiences online and in real world
• Check if the price of the chosen product will cut in the near future and analyse if it’s worth waiting (though this hinges on miserliness)

But why should you go through this process?

To ensure that you get the most suitable product making the best of your hard-earned money. You value your labour and the money it brings you.

You’re contented to make a wise investment. You’re proud to make the purchase...but some days later you learn that the rates of the phone you bought have been cut by 20% because rival companies have come up with newer phones to toughen the competition.

Pause and tell how you’ll feel?

Let me guess...

You’ll feel you’re an idiot. You’ll feel cheated and guilty and accuse yourself. And why not? Haven’t you made a mistake?

Was your research weak?

No. Because you adequately researched about phones online and in the real world.

Weren’t you aware about the new launches the market had in store that could cut the rates of your phone?

Well, you researched on top technology websites, but nowhere you received that piece of intelligence.

Can I tell your mistake?

You aren’t all-knowing, omniscient – because you’re a human. You collect information and take decision according to it. It’s beyond your abilities to predict what’s in the unforeseeable future, you can only guess or interpret it citing the information/facts available to you.

Often after making a decision we feel “We should have known it before,” but knowing the unknowable is beyond human abilities. Regretting over such ‘mistakes’ is as foolish as regretting that you can’t fly – you don’t have that ability.

If you’re regretting over something you “should have known,” it’s foolishness because you’re accusing yourself for something you don’t have the ability of doing.

Josh Kaufman of The Personal MBA calls this hindsight bias. It’s crucial that you discard this bias before judging yourself – because firstly it makes you regret over foolish things and secondly it prevents you from building confidence in yourself.
Accept that you and others are bound to make mistakes – it’s wise that you stop accusing yourself and others for “not knowing the unknowable”. Wasting energy over things that aren’t in your hands is senseless; instead focus on opening ways to move forward.

If you bring a shirt that fades, don’t call yourself a stupid. If you get into a job/course/relationship that turns unsuitable for you, don’t accuse yourself.

Do your best research before making a decision. If the result isn’t good, don’t be unduly harsh with yourself because it can impact your self-esteem. Treat yourself in a friendly and justifiable way, and have some space to breathe.

You aren’t bad. You judge yourself harshly and unjustly. You’re better than you think yourself to be.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYIST AND POET

Seventeen reasons why you aren’t successful

I’m going to slap your foolish beliefs on your face so you change yourself. So you feel self-guilt on the correct points – not on the wrong ones like “Am becoming old but haven’t been able to earn enough”, “My parents have done a lot for me, how to help them?” etc.

Ready?

1. Because you feel that if a height has never been accomplished before, it’s impossible for you to accomplish it.
2. Because you lack the passion of squeezing out your blood and flesh to produce the damn best.
3. Because you give too much weight to the opinion of unsuccessful mediocrity that you lose your ambition.
4. Because you don’t build an inner mechanism that could keep you immune from the bullshit spewed by the mediocrity.
5. Because you get influenced by the mediocrity and start cursing luck, society etc. instead of giving it a terrific effort.
6. Because you try to live according to the mediocrity instead of making the mediocrity live according to you.
7. Because you confuse reality with negativity to such a degree that you conclude that negativity is reality.
8. Because you confuse unreality with positivity to such a degree that you conclude that positivity is unreality.
9. Because you don’t talk it out with yourself that if people can achieve success in worse circumstances than yours, why can’t you.
10. Because you don’t have a firm faith in the beautiful law of regular labour.
11. Because you don’t believe that you can snatch it.
12. Because you fear failures and hence are satisfied in not trying it out.
13. Because you don’t know that failures are meant to harden you so you can destroy your obstacles from ground level.
14. Because your tank of motivation empties but you don’t strive to fill it back.
15. Because you give in to fears invented by your imagination that never exist in reality.
16. Because you keep waiting for the correct moment to arrive while the correct moment is when one decides going full- steam.
17. Because you misuse your resources studying your competitors’ work instead of launching a work that could throw them out of competition.

How to remove clutter and write clearly

One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple.

Jack Kerouac

The aim of writing is telling your reader something, not showing off your language skills. Many popular words, however, serve no purpose except burdening the reader with extra interpreting work and misusing resources – most crucial of which is the reader’s time. The reader clicks Back if after each sentence he pauses to convert your complex script to clear writing.

Does each word you write express a new idea? If not, it is clutter. Many managers and bureaucrats communicate in cluttered words, because a popular misconception is that the more puffed up your prose is, the more important it is. A note by a power-conscious manager to his subordinates goes like this:

The company, through this written communication, would like to bring to the esteemed consideration of its junior as well as senior employees that for the purpose that the company continue to operate with efficiency and consistency, the arrival and exit of its well-regarded cadre should be right according to the stipulated working hours.

This manager is telling the employees:

I request you to be punctual for office to maintain efficient work.

The first version is suffocating and seems to be typed by a robot. The second version is open and seems to be written by a human. For some stylish educationalists, however, the second version is very simple, so something has to be wrong with it. “But,” says William Zinsser in his book On Writing Well, “the secret of good writing is to strip every sentence to its cleanest components.”

If any word isn’t doing a new work, remove it – no matter how fashionable it appears. Pay particular attention to adverbs because often we unnecessarily fill them. Here are two examples:

He laughed happily. (‘Happily’ is clutter.)

She cried sadly. (‘Sadly’ is clutter.)

Additionally, there is no need to add phrases such as “In my humble opinion,” “It is to be noted,” “It is obvious” etc. Your writing style works as an intangible to tell what is humble, noteworthy, obvious etc. Don’t write “I would like to particularly add at this crucial juncture of conversation,” just add it. Don’t write “It is sad to note,” just make it sad. Don’t write “The important topic to be discussed by us today is child abuse,” just start discussing. People use words in excess (adverbs, adjectives and pompous phrases) because they are unconfident about the effectiveness of their piece. Writers don’t need extra words to influence their readers because their style does it.

Repeating the key points for the sake of emphasis is another problem. Tell the key point, move forward to touch a new one; if it carries weight it needs no emphasis. To check repetition, review your piece and copy the sentences expressing related points. Reread those points and see what can be cut to prevent repetition. From the previous paragraph I deleted “Extra words waste the reader’s time” because I had said it when in the first paragraph I wrote “popular words” do no work except “misusing resources – most crucial of which is the reader’s time.” (And I prefixed “Additionally” to slip to the next paragraph.)

Sometimes repetition is required in the end but before adding every new word the question must be: does each word you write express a new idea?

Two negotiating stupidities we do to look dumb

Ever surveyors and salesmen cheated you?

See how I was cheated to save yourself.

While I waited for my bus reading TheHindu, two girls of around 22 years invited me in their company’s survey, but I refused their invitation.

“Okay, thank you,” said the girls, requesting, taking out their pen and notebook, “but can you please take out some time to answer a few quick questions?”

I dislike answering irrelevant questions and getting interrupted in reading, but I couldn’t refuse again.

Questioning about the soap, shampoo, toothpaste, internet I use; if I prefer branded clothes etc., they lastly asked, attentively looking in my eyes, “Sir, you gave us a considerable time, though you were engaged in reading. Can we know if we had directly demanded your ten minutes instead of first asking you to come to our company premises, would you have agreed?”

I returned their attentive look, realizing – “I would have not let you take my time if you had directly requested me to answer your questions” – but fearing its rudeness, I hesitated and paused.

“Sir,” said the girls, reading my expressions, “we are sorry – we neither belong to any company nor we are conducting any survey. We are psychology students experimenting the rule of concession with people. You would have not disengaged yourself from reading if we had requested you to give us ten minutes. Right?”

I said “Yes.”

“That’s why,” continued the girls, “we first kept forth a request requiring significant effort (coming to our company to participate in a survey) and then contrasted it with a small request, and you agreed.”

This rule of concession is greatly used on us, yet we fall victim to it. Purchase clothes, vegetables or hire a worker, you will hear the first price much higher than the original value.

In the aforementioned incident, however, the girls placed “a request requiring significant effort” and then “contrasted it with a small request” to get my approval on things I dislike – “answering irrelevant questions and getting interrupted in reading”. Two main reasons that compelled me to go against my wish:

1. I compared their first request to the second which was small

2. I felt guilty to refuse for the second time

And, these are the two main reasons that induce us to be exploited by the rule of concession. To decrease or eliminate the effectiveness of this rule, neither we should compare options – nor feel guilty. Therefore, at every step of your negotiation, be vigilant that these two emotions don’t influence you.

But be careful that you don’t cross the limits of humanity or politeness because then one becomes selfish and arrogant. How to be in these limits and yet have an edge is a delicate problem that arises next.

Do you know any solution of this problem? If yes, leave your intelligent comment or send a post to shadabhsn@gmail.com, I might publish it.

Postscript: The psychology students incident I wrote above was to give you a better understanding of the rule of concession. It was fictitious.

Bill Gates guided me

{This article of mine was published in the magazine of La Martiniere Boys' College, Lucknow, where I used to study.}

Ever feared if an unpreventable circumstance cuts you off this school and cancels your option of studying elsewhere?

WHAM.

Your life will come to a creaking halt. You will be burdened with more dullness than you can ever imagine. Yup, you will have a lot of time, but it has pleasure because currently you are busy. You will be friendless, lonely, and inactive.

So was I when a progressive visual impairment compelled me to leave this school. I failed in class 6th half yearly first but was then promoted to 7th where before getting out of this school I failed again and afterwards met more failures in grad and post grad also! Simple.

Yeah, you guys might have guessed that I was not so good at studies. Right.

And yeah, you guys might have also guessed that I kind of enjoyed my failures and school-getting out. Wrong.

These failures with my school-separation made me think of committing suicide. The sorrow of being separated from my school, teachers and friends is so seething that it still wounds my heart, though in time, I got over my failures. More years than a decade has have past and I continue to dream that I have returned to my early youth and am studying in your school. I rarely regret over things, but I deeply regret that a good piece of my teenage, in which each moment is more precious than a gold coin, has wasted. So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more. Tennyson. But…

Martinians! Changing the paragraph here because now am going to show you the positive side of the game.

Deprived of regular education, faltering over failures – and therefore exposing myself to mockery, I started to form a belief of my own.

I was sure that my academic record is not the measuring stick for my talents and potential. Charles Dickens had a formal education of not more than four years. Bill Gates was a Harvard dropout; Steve Jobs (the Apple guy) too was a dropout – Google out his college/university name – and btw Google-choreographers Larry Page and Sergey Brin were Stanford abandoners. Sachin also was a failure. In academics.

Back to me: I tried harder than one can think to pass in English but failed several times before I could obtain 3rd division marks. so much I was committed to my education that even if for a day I was unable to study, I used to fall ill.

Sometimes my failures filled me up with self-guilt, but my teacher (who presently is your principal) used to praise my writing, telling it would be my forte! A comforting thought for me was (and still is) that an eminent person and several people with knowledge have praised me for it, so I keep going. I currently am not a famous writer but am trekking that mount.

To my joy, I have got two job offers to work as a writer. Imagine in this competitive time a blind person with poor academics getting such offers.

I don’t do the blunder of defining myself by academic record or small achievements/failures. Nor Dickens, Gates, Jobs, Page, Brin did.

Will you?