How I stopped feeling weak and became strong

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“Never compare your inside with someone else’s outside.”

Hugh MacLeod, author of Ignore Everybody

Hmm, let me guess…

You often compare your inward nature to the outward appearance of others without ever realising that it’s a blunder. As a result, you think that each human around you is superhuman – without weaknesses and insecurities.

But it isn’t so – people around you are just like you; they too have their share of weaknesses and insecurities. Let me tell an incident:

When I was new in the office, a group of strong men used to torture me for fun. I couldn’t do much to prevent them, because I felt that they’re emotionally tough, risk-welcoming fighters and have strong connections. I thought that giving them a fitting reply or complaining against them might add to my harassment or even cost my job.

Coincidentally, to do an assignment I was batched with the person who was the most creative in bullying me. The expected happened – he mocked at me, insulted me, and humiliated me.

But I felt it was too much. I stood against him; the frustration was piling up since a long time – and he was flabbergasted to see me so defiant. I threatened him not to repeat his foolishness and “Do whatever you wish and complain wherever; I don’t care.”

Will you believe what happened?

First he tried to dominate me, but seeing me giving him a damn challenge, that tough man, leader of all, started shivering and sat heavily in his chair, as if collapsing with nervousness. The people who surrounded him all turned to be hollow, cowards.

No connections, no threat-execution, nothing from him. He turned a perfect loser, and weaker than I could have ever expected. Since that event he hasn’t dared to cross his limit and gives me the respect I deserve.

I’ve experienced several similar incidents. Each incident has reinforced my belief that every human has weaknesses; there’re no super heroes around.

To stopped feeling weak and become strong you must accept the fact that every human has flaws like you. If in doubt, check the interviews of only a few celebrities, and you’ll understand.

“I was a coward. I used to be haunted by the fear of thieves, ghosts and serpents. I did not dare to stir out of doors at night. Darkness was a terror to me. It was almost impossible for me to sleep in the dark, as I would imagine ghosts coming from one direction, thieves from another and serpents from a third. I could not therefore bear to sleep without a light in the room. ”

Mahatma Gandhi, All Men are Brothers: Autobiographical Reflections

Secret to overcoming needless regret and solidifying confidence

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To understand the secret, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’ve to buy a smartphone from the abundant options the market is overflowing with. Before making the purchase, you:

• Get clear about the features/tasks you want the phone for
• Compare phones offering those features and shortlist one or two of them
• Look for users’ honest experiences online and in real world
• Check if the price of the chosen product will cut in the near future and analyse if it’s worth waiting (though this hinges on miserliness)

But why should you go through this process?

To ensure that you get the most suitable product making the best of your hard-earned money. You value your labour and the money it brings you.

You’re contented to make a wise investment. You’re proud to make the purchase...but some days later you learn that the rates of the phone you bought have been cut by 20% because rival companies have come up with newer phones to toughen the competition.

Pause and tell how you’ll feel?

Let me guess...

You’ll feel you’re an idiot. You’ll feel cheated and guilty and accuse yourself. And why not? Haven’t you made a mistake?

Was your research weak?

No. Because you adequately researched about phones online and in the real world.

Weren’t you aware about the new launches the market had in store that could cut the rates of your phone?

Well, you researched on top technology websites, but nowhere you received that piece of intelligence.

Can I tell your mistake?

You aren’t all-knowing, omniscient – because you’re a human. You collect information and take decision according to it. It’s beyond your abilities to predict what’s in the unforeseeable future, you can only guess or interpret it citing the information/facts available to you.

Often after making a decision we feel “We should have known it before,” but knowing the unknowable is beyond human abilities. Regretting over such ‘mistakes’ is as foolish as regretting that you can’t fly – you don’t have that ability.

If you’re regretting over something you “should have known,” it’s foolishness because you’re accusing yourself for something you don’t have the ability of doing.

Josh Kaufman of The Personal MBA calls this hindsight bias. It’s crucial that you discard this bias before judging yourself – because firstly it makes you regret over foolish things and secondly it prevents you from building confidence in yourself.
Accept that you and others are bound to make mistakes – it’s wise that you stop accusing yourself and others for “not knowing the unknowable”. Wasting energy over things that aren’t in your hands is senseless; instead focus on opening ways to move forward.

If you bring a shirt that fades, don’t call yourself a stupid. If you get into a job/course/relationship that turns unsuitable for you, don’t accuse yourself.

Do your best research before making a decision. If the result isn’t good, don’t be unduly harsh with yourself because it can impact your self-esteem. Treat yourself in a friendly and justifiable way, and have some space to breathe.

You aren’t bad. You judge yourself harshly and unjustly. You’re better than you think yourself to be.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYIST AND POET

Seventeen reasons why you aren’t successful

I’m going to slap your foolish beliefs on your face so you change yourself. So you feel self-guilt on the correct points – not on the wrong ones like “Am becoming old but haven’t been able to earn enough”, “My parents have done a lot for me, how to help them?” etc.

Ready?

1. Because you feel that if a height has never been accomplished before, it’s impossible for you to accomplish it.
2. Because you lack the passion of squeezing out your blood and flesh to produce the damn best.
3. Because you give too much weight to the opinion of unsuccessful mediocrity that you lose your ambition.
4. Because you don’t build an inner mechanism that could keep you immune from the bullshit spewed by the mediocrity.
5. Because you get influenced by the mediocrity and start cursing luck, society etc. instead of giving it a terrific effort.
6. Because you try to live according to the mediocrity instead of making the mediocrity live according to you.
7. Because you confuse reality with negativity to such a degree that you conclude that negativity is reality.
8. Because you confuse unreality with positivity to such a degree that you conclude that positivity is unreality.
9. Because you don’t talk it out with yourself that if people can achieve success in worse circumstances than yours, why can’t you.
10. Because you don’t have a firm faith in the beautiful law of regular labour.
11. Because you don’t believe that you can snatch it.
12. Because you fear failures and hence are satisfied in not trying it out.
13. Because you don’t know that failures are meant to harden you so you can destroy your obstacles from ground level.
14. Because your tank of motivation empties but you don’t strive to fill it back.
15. Because you give in to fears invented by your imagination that never exist in reality.
16. Because you keep waiting for the correct moment to arrive while the correct moment is when one decides going full- steam.
17. Because you misuse your resources studying your competitors’ work instead of launching a work that could throw them out of competition.