Secret to overcoming needless regret and solidifying confidence

Image courtesy - Flickr

To understand the secret, imagine yourself in this situation:

You’ve to buy a smartphone from the abundant options the market is overflowing with. Before making the purchase, you:

• Get clear about the features/tasks you want the phone for
• Compare phones offering those features and shortlist one or two of them
• Look for users’ honest experiences online and in real world
• Check if the price of the chosen product will cut in the near future and analyse if it’s worth waiting (though this hinges on miserliness)

But why should you go through this process?

To ensure that you get the most suitable product making the best of your hard-earned money. You value your labour and the money it brings you.

You’re contented to make a wise investment. You’re proud to make the purchase...but some days later you learn that the rates of the phone you bought have been cut by 20% because rival companies have come up with newer phones to toughen the competition.

Pause and tell how you’ll feel?

Let me guess...

You’ll feel you’re an idiot. You’ll feel cheated and guilty and accuse yourself. And why not? Haven’t you made a mistake?

Was your research weak?

No. Because you adequately researched about phones online and in the real world.

Weren’t you aware about the new launches the market had in store that could cut the rates of your phone?

Well, you researched on top technology websites, but nowhere you received that piece of intelligence.

Can I tell your mistake?

You aren’t all-knowing, omniscient – because you’re a human. You collect information and take decision according to it. It’s beyond your abilities to predict what’s in the unforeseeable future, you can only guess or interpret it citing the information/facts available to you.

Often after making a decision we feel “We should have known it before,” but knowing the unknowable is beyond human abilities. Regretting over such ‘mistakes’ is as foolish as regretting that you can’t fly – you don’t have that ability.

If you’re regretting over something you “should have known,” it’s foolishness because you’re accusing yourself for something you don’t have the ability of doing.

Josh Kaufman of The Personal MBA calls this hindsight bias. It’s crucial that you discard this bias before judging yourself – because firstly it makes you regret over foolish things and secondly it prevents you from building confidence in yourself.
Accept that you and others are bound to make mistakes – it’s wise that you stop accusing yourself and others for “not knowing the unknowable”. Wasting energy over things that aren’t in your hands is senseless; instead focus on opening ways to move forward.

If you bring a shirt that fades, don’t call yourself a stupid. If you get into a job/course/relationship that turns unsuitable for you, don’t accuse yourself.

Do your best research before making a decision. If the result isn’t good, don’t be unduly harsh with yourself because it can impact your self-esteem. Treat yourself in a friendly and justifiable way, and have some space to breathe.

You aren’t bad. You judge yourself harshly and unjustly. You’re better than you think yourself to be.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

RALPH WALDO EMERSON, ESSAYIST AND POET